S c h i s m

Dark Alchemy Oracle: Animamundi Deck

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:49:51 GMT

I first started out my tarot project making my own interpretation of the rider waite deck, however The cut paper I was using became too time consuming and I was running out of material after the 7th card.

Animamundi is what started my interest in alchemy and the occult. I never got around to fully describing or analyzing occult used within the story, so this is my attempt to make sense of that. As well as make the connection between the historical figure and the fictional one, since some of them aren't that obvious to those unfamiliar with this area of study.

This oracle deck is based off of the Visual Novel Game, Animamundi: The Dark Alchemist, however, most of the symbolism is based around alchemy, sephiroth, chakra, and the seven deadly sins. I explain the meaning of the cards at the bottom of the post for those unfamiliar with this rather obscure game title. However, all the characters listed have a historical character corresponding to them, so if you're familiar with the major players of metaphysics/occult/new age you'll still be able to pull meaning.

40 Cards:
7 Alchemy Cards
16 Character Cards
7 Deadly Sins Cards
10 Sephiroth Cards

The Cards

Seven Alchemical Stages
Relates the seven step process of transmuting base metals to gold, to the transformation of Georik as an individual as well as his progress in actual alchemical endeavors, and how this change effects those around him. Each step relates to the traditional elemental and trinity correspondence.

Characters
Relates the fictional Animamundi cast to the historical figures they're based off.

Deadly Sins
For each bad ending you get, you get a cross of whatever sin you committed. The cards shows the traditional seven deadly sins of the catholic faith in relation to the inverted meaning of the chakra energy point on the Kundalini. Although I do not invert the traditional correlating colors to avoid confusion, only the name. Also shows artwork from Dante's Inferno, each card progressing a ring or two deeper in hell.

Sephiroth
The good Animamundi endings' "crowns" are named after the parts of the Sephiroth. These cards use traditional planetary correspondence from Dante's Paradiso, not the planetary correspondence of the sephiroth.

Divination Meanings

The most important meaning, is the meaning to the reader. The cards should be able to create connection between each other so that the interpreter can form a message for the querent. So specific interpretation is up for debate. These are just some guides to get you thinking about interconnectivity/correlation.

Character Cards
The meaning can be taken from either historical or fictional character. Can vary depending on personal reflection/towards that character. I do provide a short description of my own interpretation and planetary alignment.

Johann Georg Faust: Mercury/Jupiter. Potential within man. Has potential for either great creation or great destruction.
Mephistopheles: Saturn/Venus. Temptor. A catalyst for destruction and temptation of earthly pursuits.
Lilith: Venus. The selfish, uncalcinated self. Ruled by ego and desires, and ignorant of their faults.
Michael: Jupiter/Mars. Power through restriction and blind devotion to a cause. Stubborn to change,
Count Saint-Germain: Mercury. A lonely genius to the working's of the divine, but confined to the earth. Passive creation.
Timothy Leary: Mercury. Humor, trickery, and through deception teaches.
Francis Dashwood: Earth. Truth and beauty in unlikely places, if you only have the patience and humily to search for it.
John Montagu: Mars. A false power that is gained through exploitation of others.
Bruno Groening: Neptune. An attempt to bring about justice.
Gennai Hiraga: Mercury. Whimsical genius. Pursuits for own amusement. Active creation.
Eliphus Levi: Venus. Idealized goal. Hidden truth.
Amayllis: Venus/Mars. Endevours relating to personal desires.
Paracelsus: Mercury. All the wisdom of the past. Integrated creation.
Jack the Ripper: Saturn/Mars. Melancholy. Destruction and aggression towards own creation and everyone else's.
Lucifer: Saturn/Jupiter. The negative result of potential turned towards selfish earthly endeavors.

For info on Dante's Divine Comedy as a whole Danteworlds is awesome.

The Sephiroth
Order of the Sephiroth. You may have noticed the crowns of good endings are arranged in this fashion in your alchemist's handbook. Sephiroth is based off Jewish mysticism and explains the different aspects of god/the universe:

Kether: The crown. The light which is superior to the sun. It is eternal and illuminates the universe. (metatron)
Chokmah:Wisdom. The idea behind creation, the willpower to create. (ratziel)
Binah: Understanding. The vessel for chokmah, the actual creation process. (elohim)
Chesed: Grace. Creates the different appearances of material things. Bringer of order and peace.
Geburah: Strength. The flaming sword of god that avenges evil against those which disobey His natural order.
Tiphareth: Beauty. Consciousness of the divine symmetry of the universe.
Netzach: Victory. Instinct, love, group mindsets, and nature.
Hod: Glory. Inspiration in form of arts, science, and language. The collective unconscious, invoking the above for purposes of the below.
Yesod: Foundation. Coiled Kundalini. Cyclic nature of energy in matter. Bestows changes.
Malkurth: Kingdom. From which all earthly things are formed. The physical expression of Kether.

Kundalini's Chakra
Chakra are the centers of energy in man at certain point of the body along the spine to the head(Kundalini). In this case we're using the perversion of the chakra point in the Satanic tradition of writing the word backwards to invoke the opposite. This allows for a more rounded view on the cardinal sins.

Muladhara: Base Chakra. Instinct, sexuality, obsession, emotions.
inverted (Arahdalum): destructive lust, violence, bloodthrist.
Svadhisthana: Sacral Chakra. Mutual relationships, emotional fufillment, pleasure.
inverted (Anahtsihdavs): Destructive relationships, need, unfillment, emptiness.
Manipura: Solar Plexus Chakra. Power and prestige, complex emotions, opinions.
inverted (Arupinam): Power hunger, egocentricity, selfishness.
Anahata: Heart Chakra. Compassion, unconditional love, wellbeing.
inverted (Atahana): Hatred, using people's emotions against them, biased judgement.
Vishudda: Throat Chakra. Communication for self expression, independence, emotional fluency.
inverted (Ahdduhsiv): Dependency, jealousy, repression/denial of emotions.
Ajna: Third Eye Chakra. Balancing higher and lower selves, inner guidance/intuition.
inverted (Anja): Inconsistency, laziness, confusion, basal wants/needs having most influence.
Sahasrara: Crown Chakra. Completion. Consciousness of spiritual while in physical existence. (Tipareth)
inverted (Ararsahas): Exhalation of impure self and physical existence.

Seven Alchemical Steps
The Kundalini in their traditional roles can also be related to the 7 step alchemical process. WIth calcination = base chakra, and Coagulation = crown chakra.

Calcination: Destruction of ego, defense mechanisms, socialization/conditioning, and attachment to physical possessions. Surrender of hurbis. (fire)
Dissolution: Immersion in the unconscious formally rejected parts of the mind. Desires, creativity, spiritual awakenings, and sexuality are some examples. (water)
Separation: Reclaiming of dreams previously rejected by the rationale part of the mind. Letting go if self-inflicted restraints on true nature that parents, school, religion, workplace, and society have taught us to hide. (air)
Conjunction: Union of passive and active aspects of personality to a new consciousness. A recreation of self. (earth)
Fermentation: Often interpreted as failure to transform self. The decaying/burning of mutations, negative changes to self, that have occurred due to integration of two vastly different parts. (son/corpus)
Distillation: Introspection of remnants of remaining ego. Removes self from emotions and self-identity, in favor of the collective greater good. (spirit/spiritus)
Coagulation:Union with Kether and ability to exist on all levels of reality. Complete disconnection to earthly existence and instead filled with new strength and vigor of the light of life. (father/anima)

Progress 4 Kuro-Shit & Pyrexia

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 17:48:49 GMT

Hopefully i'll finish this today or tomorrow

I'm redoing the character sprites so they actually look good. Don't know when I'll finish these.

I've been watching: Bakemonotogari, Canaan, 07-Ghost, Hetalia, some dumb reverse harem show, Mars the TV Drama, Supernatural, too many movies..

I've been reading: Vassalord v.3, Togainu no Chi, Il Gatto Sul G v.3, The Painted Witch, Crank, Bitch Magazine, Remember: Be Here Now, I Blame the Patriarchy Blog...

Distant but Not Defeated Reprise

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:42:30 GMT

Update

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 05:19:20 GMT

So, I've bee not posting much visually, so i thought I'd post an update on what I've been working on. Yes, yet another flash project. But this one s just a dress up doll so it ideally shouldn't take as long as an actual game takes.

I Have Been Watching: Neo Angelic ~Abyss~, 07 Ghost, (both of which are extremely dull I and I only rec watching them for their character designs) Ergo Proxy, Baccano!, and a ton of movies.

That night

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 00:28:47 GMT

JUNE 8TH

It felt like the end of everything (how naive of us)
when the bleached police lights backlit your boy-boned frame.

There were only three of them,
but words strung like singing diamonds
across your lips.

And I wasn't sure if such beauty was born of this stress,
your cloudy green-eyed intensity (only a flicker in the dark), or
backseat ecstasy.

I took them from you, with nothing in return but
the hope that I would return them.

"All Art is Quite Useful"

Tue, 19 May 2009 18:34:44 GMT

I spent the last week working on an end of the year project that basically acted as a portfolio in addition to a time-based work of art. Said project led to a disagreement with a teacher (who is a dada/historical/postmodern photographer) as to why artists should cater to the general public. We should create solely for other artists, since artists are the ones who determine what art truly is. The media simply reports what happens in the world.

Art is art just because he and the art world say so? Therefore, artwork has just become an extension of their ego - a tangible artifact of social/intellectual worth. Let's just completely forget the ultimate goal of art in the first place: the creation of an effect on the onlooker

This left me, a symbolist/art nouveau/decadence/surrealist artist, to feel the need to jusitfy my work. So I started trying to write what art wasn't, but I felt like I was limiting it too much. So here's is some thoughts on what I know it to be:

--Inspiration
--A cataylst for wisdom
--A window to somewhere else
--A creation made from patience and quality
--A creation independent of the creator and reality
--Something universally understood to be valuable
--An order from chaos
--An emulatation/description of aspects of what it means to be human that is understandable to humans.
--Something that fufills the emotional and spiritual needs of humans, regardless of time period, profession, or education level.

And a few quotes I strongly agree with:

"Man's individuality or singularity is not a barrier to the universality of the will, but is subordinated to it...Everyone recognises himself or his own will in this act... Even those who could not create such a work find their own essence expressed .... Such a work is therefore truly universal. The more its individual creator dissolves in it, the more approval it earns."
(Georg Wilhelm F. Hegel, Sämtliche Werke, Dritter Band, "Philosophische Propädeutik, Gymnasialreden und Gutachten über den Philosophie-Unterricht" 1927

"The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider's web. ... The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. ... We all know that art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth. ..." (Jackson Pollock)

Distant but not Defeated

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 19:30:42 GMT

The next weeks will be insanely busy for me, for personal reasons that if you know me are already aware of. I won't be posting any large projects until after May 15th.

I've been thinking a lot about Pyrexia lately, it's not abandoned. I've been thinking about Red Wall, but unable to finish illustrating since my own work has abducted most of my studio time. Fear not, I sincerely love creating flash games and look forward to experimenting more with them.

My Legend of Zelda Vaati sculpt is base painted and currently I am doing detailing/shading.

I have a Hetalia USxUK, Death Note, and Raito Yagami mixes on the way. Not sure when I'll be posting those.

I am also more excited for Kamen Rider Dragon Knight action figures than I should be~ XD

I have been watching: Axis Powers Hetalia, Jyu-Oh-Sei, 07 Ghost, Elfen Lied, Princess Resurrection

I have been reading: Drawing Blood By: Poppy Z. Brite, Mindbridge By: Joe Haldeman, Illustrated Man By: Ray Bradbury, Measure for Measure By: Shakespeare

I have only one thing to say:

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:39:05 GMT

Death is equal.

The Words Just Came Out - TOS2 drabble

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:08:59 GMT

The words just came out.
Tales of Symphonia 2: Knight of Ratatosk Richter/Emil Drabble

Just a short little thing from one my notebooks I write in when I travel with nothing else to do. Richter and Emil have a very complicated relationship, as I have expressed on my fanart of the two.

It was a small town fearful for its life that was the end of my search and beginning of my chase.

The winds brush tresses against my cheek and almost made me miss him. My chest swells heat and I could do nothing but stand and choke on the name branded in my throat.

Our eyes met, if he was him then he had to know. Smirking lips would have creeped into a grin and mischievous eyes challenge me. No, those hollowed eyes looked past me; he wasn’t him. He was a tormented youth. Endearing, but not worth my time.

Yet he keeps coming back again with vulnerable eyes shining like sunlit leaves. Such eyes aren’t your eyes… yet they still hold power over me.

“I’m sorry.” Yours is a breathy voice quick to shield itself from advances, and seek forgiveness for its existence. Such words you would never say, but the amber timber sounds like home.

You should be strong, spirited, defiant, because if you aren’t, then you aren’t him. And I want you to be him so I don’t have to destroy you.

The Tattoo #4

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:16:20 GMT

The Tattoo
F(ate) O(verturned) U(ranus’) R(eign)
Sasuke Uchiha/Naruto Uzumaki Alternate Universe Yaoi Fanfiction
FF.NET LINK

By: Lin West

A/N: Not many peole have been following this to begin with, but this has been sitting on my computer for awhile so I want to post it finally. As previously mentioned, I'm currently siting on a large amount of unfinished work, so I just want to start posting it.

x.

He had lost himself, drunk on power. But he couldn’t help himself, it rolled off him, an undiluted potent energy caged in flesh. His body mapped nodes, dense tight lines of life, that Sasuke wanted to take and suck him dry of. With him underneath and under his control, it tempted him all the more.

Just a little taste, a press of lips and spark of light; surely he had felt it too. Yes, become my source.

He had only taken a flicker of euphoria when it snapped and raged at the intrusion. It came out. Naruto’s pupils drew to slits and his irises shifted to a brilliant crimson. Sasuke hadn’t expected it to be so protective, he had only suckled on his outermost wells of energy. Hardly anything really. Moreover, it had overpowered him; nothing ever had broken his hypnotism before. Not even his teacher when Sasuke made him kill himself. The man had no hesitation as he pulled the trigger and punched the bullet through the back of his skull at Sasuke’s command.

And how his mentor had feared death; he had felt death’s fingers curled around his neck, and, after all his years, its grasp tightened to the bone. He invited charlatans in his house and con men to dinner. There wasn’t an esoteric study unknown to him. Voodoo, elixirs, alchemy, gene modification, stem cell research, other questionable scientific studies, name it and Sasuke had watched him try it. Try to reconcile fate with delusions that he was above the rules – for him with all his knowledge there would be a cheat.

The humor the situation didn’t escape Sasuke; a man who feared death forced to kill himself.

In life Sasuke’s teacher was a powerful man. He had adopted him while he was in middle school. Maybe it would be more appropriate to call the man that adopts one a step father, but he was no parent. A father nurtured, protected, and sought only happiness and success for their young. He had cared for no such luxuries.

Under him, Sasuke learned. His sole purpose to learn, imitate, and produce results.

Sasuke quirks, as he liked to call them, were invaluable and they were studied, tested, and trained. His teacher had his own set of peculiarities himself, notably: astral projection, manipulation, telekinesis, and weaker form of telepathy. He knew many abilities but was master of none. While he grazed the surface of the world’s oceans, Sasuke had reached inhuman depth in his small pool of talent - a fact which he resented Sasuke for.

They hated each other, but they needed the other: an old man who had to pass on his knowledge to a receptive mind, and Sasuke who desired power of any kind. Which was why the moment Sasuke realized he learned all he could teach him, he killed his mentor.

After having lost his own kingdom, he came to inherit all of Orochimaru’s.

PREVIOUS

Kamen Rider Icons

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 06:07:36 GMT

Icon Batch

[ 38 ] Kamen Rider Dragon Knight

Because boys in leather bodysuits make this girl's Saturday mornings a happy one. Mostly Len icons, with a nice portion of LenxKit and crack.

Preview:

[ x ] Please credit when used
[ x ] No direct linking. D<
Screenshots from: Kamen Rider Connection

K A M E N R I D E R

1	2	3	4

5	6	7	8

9	10	11	12

13	14	15	16

17	18	19	20

21	22	23	24

25	26	27	28

29	30	31	32

33	34	35	36

37	38

Fanfiction recs and commentary

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 07:52:00 GMT

It seems to me than any written long series that I read has similar content. Am I just selectively living out the same fantasy over and over and over again?

Fox_in_exile's Mikami/Raito Triology
Anything Samurai Champloo By: Laura Bryannan
Nightmare Game By: SisterWicked
In Company of Shadows By: Sonny&Ais
Aceilux By: Wyna Hiros
Illuminating Heaven By: sub-textual
The Administration Series By: Manna
The Human Condition by: jfinn
The Burning Time By: Misora

In additional comparison, manga I find appealing: Kuroshitsuji, Tyrant Who Falls in love, Crimson Spell, Vassalord, Canterella, Loveless, Blood+, Godchild, yami no matsui... In addition I'm obsessed with Animamundi and adored Poppy Z Brite's Exquisite Corpse.

I'm borderlining guro fetish, idolizing the byronic hero, increasingly interested in inversion of the hero story, and attracted to both dominant males yet want men to be subservant to women/some higher power. I am really turning down a satanic-looking literary path.

Also, lately I've been making but not sharing; starting but not finishing; planning but not doing. I'm back up with so much content I'm not sure where to begin. Not to mention I've hit a terrible writer's block so pyrexia and tattoo progress are completely halted. I'm just conjested with so much work to do that I don't have the will power for at the moment. Thank god for drunk duck's auto updater for Queen of Hearts or I would just give up an upload 20 pages at one time, but then not update until six months later.

to zoe: The only thing I can say is that the red wall illustrations are almost done.

TQOH Character Designs - The King and General

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:43:38 GMT

So here's The King of Wonderland, Elohim, and his general, Vlette (not Vled).

Some background info not released yet: Elohim was birthed from dirt and Queen from water. Not literally ‘birthed’ but appeared in those elements when they the universe was created and they gained consciousness. All the people in Wonderland other than the 'originals' were created by Elohim from mud.

Vlette is his second favorite 'creation'. Who's the first... well I can't spoil everything. That would be no fun.

The Best Mikami/Raito Fanfiction Ever Written

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 06:56:50 GMT

I'm only posting this for backup purposes. I did not write this wonderful piece of fanfiction. It was written by a lady named fox_in_exile who recently deleted her livejournal account but didn't post this anywhere else that I'm aware of. So here it is, please let me know if you are fox-in-exile and would like me to delete it off my journal, or if you know where her work is posted outside of LJ.

Once again, I'm only posting this out of my love for these following words. This is the best death note fanfiction that I ever read. I'm only backing this up so others can read and enjoy her work.

WARNING this Contains Adult content: Mikami/Raito, Raito/Mikami, Mikami/Near, and Near+Mello.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FANFICTION

The Watcher is Waking - DeanxCastiel Fanmix

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:52:09 GMT

The Watcher is Waking

Notes on the Playlist: This mix is a story line, so its meant to be listened to in this order. It starts with Dean's consummation of his deal, descent to Hell, return to Earth, and then a battle of Dean and Castiel's conflicting ideologies with slashablity. The title of the mix alludes to Castiel finally interfering with humans, normally he only played the part of the watcher. More on that below.

SAVEFILE DL Link.
MEGAUPLOAD DL Link.

Notes on Castiel's Background: I know there has been debate on which angel exactly Castiel is. My interpretation of his origins that I surmised after doing a little research, and applying my background knowledge of esoteric occult.

The name Castiel has other variations of its spelling: Cassiel, Caziel, Cashiel, Kafziel (קפציאל), Capziel, Caphriel, Capciel, Zaphkiel, Qaphsiel... There are others as well, which research can supply for you.

He is the silent observer; generally he does intervene in human affairs, the last of the seven archangels, and he is also one of the angels of death who observes the death of kings. He rules over Saturn, a very antisocial realm of influence. Saturn represents the passage of time, suffering, lead (symbolizing the soul at the first stage before enlightenment), balance, misery/solitude, and reflective introverted wisdom.

I've read several supernatural forums that assert Castiel is the angel of Thursday. Well, techinquely, yes, but all angels preside over each day. It's a matter of what time. Check out Aleister Crowley's 777 to see exactly what I mean.

What you need to look for is the overall planetary correspondence of an angel. Every place that I have read says that it is with Saturn/Saturday, not Jupiter/Thursday. As clever as it might've been that Supernatural's airtime is Thursday, it isn't the case. Not only because all my occult books on the subject and google searches agree on this, but I think the melancholy, stubborn, and loyal nature of the attribute Saturn matches real well with Castiel's character. Jupiter tends to be more authoritative and self-serving - which most definitely not the case with our blue eyed boy.

So what does that mean? My prediction is that the "watcher's" interest in Dean asserts how important Dean will become in the fate of SN world. The fact that Castiel presides over the death of kings and he has taken an interest in Dean outside of his orders from God hints that Dean's character might be the leader for Earth against both Heaven and Hell. Even without Castiel in the mix, the show seems to be pitting Dean on the side of Heaven/Humans, and Sam in with Hell.

**EDIT**: I stand corrected. It appears Castiel or Sachiel, Zadkiel, Tzadkiel, Saciel, Suryel, Sachael, or Sachquiel is not a variation of Cassiel.

Castiel is the angel of Thursday/Jupiter and his name means the covering of god. He also seems to be invoked for luck dealing with money, order, and social exultation. In general an angel of physical abundance. All of which make since for the leadership quality of the Jupiter association, but not Castiel character shown within the show. My Watkins Dictionary of Angels also says that through Castiel a man may learn his future.

The only thing I have found appropriate with Castiel's characters is that as Zadkiel, meaning righteousness of god, he is an angel of mercy (Chesed on the Sephirot). His claim to fame is that he held back Abraham's dagger from sacrificing his son.

As Zadkiel you start to see more of what is in line with Castiel. He is representation of the alchemical fire "amethyst fire" with which you can transmute the putrid to gold. This process is the same as purifying the soul, seeking forgiveness, and transcending the physical. So Zadkiel is a notable agent of rectification.

The divine royalty ascribed to Castiel changes depending on the source: angel, archangel, or cherub. As Sachiel/Castiel he seems to be a lower angel, while as Zadkiel in Judaism is a very important archangel.

I'm still indecisive. I can see both sides on this (although I still prefer Cassiel). I want an interview to clear this up!

Those are my thoughts. Feel free to combat them. Now for the playlist:

THE MESSENGER BY THRICE
Dean; "...If it's for Sam, then I can endure it."

Mark me with fear and trembling.
Send someone else instead.
I know my world is ending, I can't repay my debt.
Can I carry such a heavy burden; can I move when I am paralyzed?
I see a fire behind a heavy curtain. I lean in closer and I close my eyes.
Kiss the coals; breathe in smoke, and I say, "Here I am, send me."

THE BLINDING BY YAKUZA
[Instrumental] Dean's fall to Hell.

HOST OF SERAPHIM BY DEAD CAN DANCE
[Instrumental] Receiving the redemption of Castiel's pull.

DARK ANGEL BY VNV NATION
Castiel; "I am a divine servant who's purpose has fallen in with yours."

In your dream you see me clear: I have no restraint, no fear.
Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed.
My purpose set. My will defined.
Give me time I will be clear; given time you'll understand what possesses me to right what you have suffered.
So many years I stood among the thoughts and tears of those I served.
Among my own I was alone, through my own doing.
All the years I walked unknown behind the faces I assumed. Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered.

ALL FALL DOWN BY ONE REPUBLIC
Castiel; "For all you wrongs the gold latent in your soul shines through your mortal rot, and because of this our Lord has plans for you."

Whenever you're will starts crashing down, that's when you find me.
Yeah, God love your soul and your aching bones.
Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below.
Know that we all fall down.

I'M YOUR VILLIAN BY FRANZ FERDINAND
Dean; "You're out of your mind. What do you take me for?"

But serious, you're so serious.
Like a waiter hating the rich, but taking their tips
If I could laugh I'd love you.
If I could smile at anything you said we could be laughing lovers; I think you'd prefer to be miserable instead.
If I could love, I'd love you; if I could love like anybody else.
I know what I am -- I'm your villain.
I don't give a damn if I'm your villain.

CHROME BY VNV NATION
Castiel; "Men hide behind masks out of fear and to accomplish their desires. This is not your true face."

Hurt: the measure of blind ambition, the testament to your singular disease.
Against all wisdom you heed no warning, your desires giving you away.
If I could change your mind I wouldn't save you from the path you wander.
And I still hear you scream in every breath, in every single motion.
I sense fear, in your broken breathing, resort to shadows till your body expires.
All creation has the promise of heaven and still you travel the road to hell.
I'm saying nothing for the good of myself, but I'm still talking and you're not listening.
They'll never say they feel what you feel; that they can see the world you see.
A million faces, a million lies.

HOUSE OF WOLVES BY MCR
Dean; "Fuck your God. You have no power over me."

Well, I know a thing about contrition, because I got enough to spare.
I said hey, hallelujah, I'm gonna come on sing the praise, and let the spirit come on through ya.
We got innocence for days!
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell.
Tell me I'm an angel, take this to my grave.
So get the choir boys around you, It's a compliment, I swear.
And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down.
You better run like the devil, 'cause they're never gonna leave you alone!
And as the blood runs down the walls, you see me creepin' up these halls.
I've been a bad motherfucker, tell your sister and mother: "Go! Go! Go!"
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
So get up! So get out! S-I-N, S-I-N!

FIREBREATHER BY THRICE
Castiel; "You speak as if you are omnipotent; you will die. And when you do, what will it have been for?"

Tell me are you free?
In word or thought or deed?
Bullets lance the bravest lungs.
Tell me are you free, when the fear falls on you?
Will I fold my hands or hold my tongue or let the flames lick at my feet?
Or breathe in fire and know I'm free?
Flames will rise and devour me, oh, to breathe in fire and know I'm free

LONLEY LIFE BY STANFOUR
Castiel; "Why is it you cannot believe in a benevolent divinity... or me?"

Would it be so hard to let yourself feel something?
Would it be so strange to let yourself go?
Would it be such a drag just to finally let somebody get inside your lonely life?
I wish I could wrap her up inside my soul.
I wish I could call her up and tell her all the secrets that I keep, but these words are said inside my head.

BELIEVE BY THE BRAVERY
Dean; "I have always had nothing to rely on but myself."

There's a smell of stale fear that's reeking from our skins.
The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins
We sit and grow our roots into the floor
But what are we waiting for?
I am hiding from some beast, but the beast was always here.
Watching without eyes, because the beast is just my fear that I am just nothing.
What am I waiting for?
Its already done.
So give me something to believe, 'cause I am living just to breathe.
And I need something more to keep on breathing for.
So give me something to believe.

A SONG FOR MILLY MICHAELSON BY THRICE
Castiel; "I will not bend to anyone's will or betray you."

Well you know I hardly speak. When I do, it's just for you.
I haven't said a word in weeks, 'cause they've been keepin' me from you.
There's a way where there's a will: you know I got no need for stairs.
Step out on the window sill and fall with me into the air
Here we go, hold on tight and don't let go.
I won't ever let you fall.
I love the night, flying over these city lights, but I love you most of all.
And there's something you should know.
Girl, you should have died that day, but baby I was there to save you.

STANDING BY VNV NATION
Dean; "I can't trust what I can't see, smell, hear, taste, or feel, God included, but... you are real."

Eyes betray the soul and bear it's thinking. Beyond words they say so many things to me.
A stranger here, reborn it seems. Awaking wonders deep in me.
If nothing's ventured nothing's gained, so I must seize the day.
And fighting time, so hard I pray that this moment lasts forever.

Shitting Fuck

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:43:35 GMT

Well...

Queen of Hearts: Relaunch, starting with the programmed updates of chapter two (so updates aren't dependent on myself), and the final website home will all occur in the start of the New Year. I have a good 7 pages for chapter two done, the script completely written out for chapter two and three, and the events outlined for four. It's only a matter of creating the remaining pages.

Pyrexia: 3/4 endings figured out for final script. The release for this is still up in the air. When I do finish this I will release a how to tutorial for making plot based visual novels on flash to hopefully encouraged the interest in making quality, free, choice based stories. Most of the flash based games currently on the web are either H or drivel examples of entertainment.

&I'm posting two fanmixes soon to telling auditory story of Raito Yagami and the relationship of Cassiel and Dean.

RADIANT PASSIONS!!

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:33:26 GMT

Fire Emblem 9.5: Radiant Passions Text Game
Het and Yaoi Choose Your Own Adventure Script

This is my script/choice map for Radiant Passions. Since I'm not going to do it on flash, I might as well just let you play it as a text based game. The CGs that were supposed to go with it are here. For your warning, its cheesy at times. I think if anything this will most help with Fanfictio/fandom inspiration, so if you want to use something let me know.

There are 26 possible pairings with 33 different endings: Zelgius/Ike/Sephiran, Zelgius/Sephiran, Petrine/Ike, Ike/Kurthnaga, Tibarn/Reyson, Ike/Elincia, Volke/Ike, Ike/Sothe, Stefan/Soren, Naesala/Reyson, Ike/Mia, Ike/Soren, Marth/Ike, Zihark/Ranulf, Mordecai/Trees, Shinon/Ike, Stefan/Ike, Ike/Ilyana, Ike/Titania, Ike/Reyson, Ike/Ranulf, Nasir/Ike, Lethe/Ike, Ike/Zihark, Ike/Ike, Soren/tentacles.

To play just follow the numbers. If you want to pick a certain choice, look at the number in front of it and scroll down and find the paragraph with the matching number for a heading.

START HERE. Daein has thrown a surprise attack on the town currently sheltering Ike's army. To win you have to kill the boss. You're attack plan:

1. Press forward quickly towards the boss. (I just gotta kill him to end this.)
2. Make an effort to collect treasure as you go. (I gotta get every upgrade and super weapon possible!!)
3. Train weak members of army during fight. (Cause they suck and I hate wasting Bonus EXP on them.)

3. Ike: Alright, our enemy isn't that hard this time, so take this time to train.
Marcia: If you say so, handsome.
Mia: Let's do our best everyone.
scene change
Ilyana: Thank for taking care of him Mia. That wasn't... all so bad.
Marcia: Don't let your guard down, look, more are still coming.

Training has left your weaker allies with a lot of damage and a surprise bunch of reinforcements are only a turn away.

4. Continue to train them on the advancing troops for EXP.
5. Surround the weaker allies with the stronger ones.
6. Heal and Rescue those in hit range.

2. Ike: "Seize as much treasure as you can."
Which thief will you have run around visiting and opening chests?

7. Volke.
8. Sothe.

1. Using brute strength you've pressed ahead and have killed on route enemies but some of your allies have taken damage.

11. Keeping charging forward.
12. Withdraw behind enemy attack range to heal for a turn.
20. Run away.

8. Ike: "Sothe, you know what to do."
Sothe: "I'll be sure to pick up something extra nice for you."
*scene change
The time fabric of Fire Emblem has no holding here, so Sothe is a sexy and stomach exposing.

Sothe: *runs around gaining treasure* "What's that noise? Sounds like horses."
Enemy knights are approaching.

9. Collect more items.
10. Move to catch up with the rest of the allies.

4. Ike: Come on girls, you can keep going.
Ilyana: Commander... I don't think I can.
Ike: You need hand on hand combat in order to get better. Obviously you all haven't seen enough of it yet.
Marcia: ... If you say so.
girls disappear
Soren: Are you sure that was wise, Ike? They won't be able to kill them with a single blow. The damage will-
*death music*
Do to your level-up lust you have killed Marcia, Ilyana, Mia, and Reyson.

13. Continue. (Don't care. Girls are icky.)

9. Sothe: "Didn't I say I'd bring the General something nice? I can take a few knights."
Knight1: "Get that man!"
Sothe: "Bring it on."
Knight2: "Oh we will , pretty boy."
*attacks ending with Sothe on the ground*
CG scene
Sothe: "No, how could I lose?"

Sexy Sothe was surrounded and gang raped.

13. Continue. (Don't care. He's not in my OTP.)

13. Shinon: "Tch. Was that all?"
Ike: "No, actually, it looks like we missed a couple."
Ranulf: "Let 'em be. Who cares about a few stray healers?"
Ike: "..."

You're strong allies have killed most of the enemies, save one or two healers.

18. Go back and kill them for EXP before killing the boss.
19. Ignore them and continue charge for the boss.

11. *explosion*
Ike: "...arg... where am I? This looks like a cell. We must've lost that last battle...and now I've been taken prisoner it seems."

Everyone died except for Ike, who was captured for interrogation purposes. Ike is currently finds himself tied up in an empty room.

15. Try to escape.
16. Wait it out.

16. *creeeak*
voice: "Well well. Look who's awake, boys."
Ike: "...What do you want with me."
Petrine: "Oh I will take plenty from you, rest assured of that. Men, hold him down."
Sexual humiliation and Petrine abuse.
Petrine: "Had enough, boy. Or do you want more?"
Ike: "..."
Petrine: "Oh, won't you talk? You were so vocal earlier. How boring, shut up him up for good."

Ike was killed! ;_; ENDING 2

10. Sothe: *huffs huff* General! I got what I could, but I was stopped by reinforcements.
Ike: I guess that can't be helped. Come, we're going back to camp.
Sothe: You killed him already?
Ike: You expected any less? Come on, let's see what you managed to pick up,

By the time Sothe has caught up to Ike, they have already killed the boss.

17. Return to camp.

18. Priest: "Please, haven't you killed enough already?"
Ike: "... Mercy can leave your back open for attack, besides I am not one to listen to the advice of my enemy."
Priest: *runs away*
Ike: "Damn it, get back here!"
Scene Change
Ike: "I didn't think he'd run into one of the houses."
Gasping sound
Ike: "What's that noise?"
.......
Sephiran: "Zelgius..."
Ike: "o//o"
Zelgius: "Who's there?"
Ike: "I gotta get out of here."
Zelgius: "Where do you think you're going."
Ike: I didn't mean to interrupt.. your...whatever.
Zelgius: "Whether you meant to our not, it will be your undoing."
Sephiran: "Zelgius, let's not be rash. There are more... interesting options we have in dealing with this situation."
Ike: No! Wait...

Ike is kept at as their love pet in some tower somewhere. ENDING 1

12. Soren: Honestly, can't you be a bit more careful?
Shinon: Tch. Just shut up and do your job, shorty.
Rhys: Ike, we've healed all the troops.
Ike: Alright. Let's finish this.
.......
Bandit: You mean that all the gold you could round up?
Solider1: This town seems pretty poor; I'm surprised we were able to find this much.
Bandit: Fool! *smakes* This is chump change, what can we do with this? They must be hiding their valuables and money somewhere. I don't care what you have to do to them, find more!
Ike: I'm afraid not.
Bandit: What? Are you going to stop me?
Ike: Maybe we just will.
Bandit: Oh yeah, talk is cheap.
Stefan, Titania, Shinon, Lethe attack.
Bandit: Ohh...oo...
*he's dead*
Ike: And that's that. Good work.

17. Return to camp.

6. Rhys: Let me take care of that.
Mia: Thanks, but it looks like more are coming this way.
Ike: Everyone, move back.
Thye do but Reyson is unable to keep up with the group.
Solider1: Is this heron?
Reyson: Unhand me this instance, disgusting humans!
Solider2: Selingt him will make us flithy rich!
Ike: Reyson!

Allies that had been dying are now healed; however they are now surrounded by enemies. They force their way out through attacking, but in the fight Reyson is captured.

21. Rescue him.
22. Leave him.

21. Ike: *attacks*
Ike grabs back Reyson.
Reyson: Ike!
Ike: Don't worry I got you.
Reyson: Honestly, I'm nothing but a burden to you.
Ike: No, not at all. We need you here Reyson, and for that I'm willing to go out my way to ensure your safety. I need you and I won't let you get taken so easily by their likes.
Reyson: ...thank you.
Lethe: Hey, Ike. What are we going to do about their leader?

You are able to save Reyson before he's taken too far from the battle site. Ike is guarding Reyson to ensure no one else gets him.
23. Kill boss while protecting Reyson.
24. Order Titania to kill him.

22. Reyson was taken to who knows where. Despite that drawback they are able to defeat the boss.
43. Continue
14. Reset

5. Ike: Quick, everyone form a circle.
Ike, Ranulf, Stefan, and Lethe surround Mia, llyana, and Marcia.
Ilyana: thank you, everyone.
Ranulf: Just keep on your toes, hun. Whoa!
Marcia: Maybe you should follow your own advice, he almost shot you.
Ranulf: Right. I owe you one.
Stefan: Ike, reinforcements are coming this way.

Ike and company protected the weaker. the weaker allies are still able to help by doing long range attacks. The army is doing well but enemy reinforcements are approaching.
25. Take long way to the boss to avoid further enemy conflict.
26. Continue along the path with enemies.

23. You killed the boss, but Reyson is angry about you ruffling him feathers in the process

28. Return to camp.

25. The enemies you didn't kill arrive at the boss quicker than you did. Ike now has to fight through several layers of troops to reach the boss. Mia freaks out, but Ike encourages him and everyone else.

34. Return to camp.

19. Killed the boss in record time. Everyone is pleased, but only half of the army ended up fighting.

54. Return to camp.

24. Reyson is impressed by Ike's leadership skills. Titania kills boss.

29. Return to camp.

30. Triggers Soren and Ike conversations. Ike and Soren take down the boss.

33. Return to base.

15. Can't escape. Meet Kurthnaga. Since he can't ever have Soren now, he takes Kurthnaga. END 24

26. Taking the normal way Ike simply kills the enemies as they approach. As the group kills the boss.

75. Return to camp.

75. Returned to camp.

70. Check troops.
52. Train.

7. Ike: Volke, get the treasure as fast as you can then meet us at the bandit's headquarters.
Volke: Gotcha'. I'll see you shortly.
time passes
Volke: Ike, I've acquired your items. As for the payment.
Ike: Not now! I'll address that later. I'm sorry, what were you saying Soren?
Soren: ...As I was saying, our front lines have taken substantial damages, how should we proceed?

Volke is sent and he collected all the treasure quickly. The army has taken substantial damage and they are about to approach the boss.

30. Take time to heal.
31. Keep going.

31. You end up not needing to heal; Stefan kills the boss in one hit.

32. Return to camp.

17. Returned to camp. Now what?

47. Train
48. Check troops.

28. Returned to camp. Now what?

45. Check troops.
34. Find food.

47. Elincia comes and visits, saying she heard about the triumphant victory. Talks, make out with Princess. END 4

45. Ike talks to Ulki and Janaff about Reyson, who in turn go to Tibarn to report what happened. Reyson protests but Tibarn takes him from the mercenary company because he's important to him. Sexy sex. END 12

48. You hear a crying noise, but your troops sound rather noisy too.

58. Crying noise.
59. Troops

58. Sothe is sad about his girlfriend Micaiah dumping him because he keeps talking about Ike. Comfort sex. END 14 +cut to Edward/Leonardo talking about sex??

29. Returned to camp.

52. Train out back.
45. Check troops.
46. Take a walk.

32. Returned to camp.
51. Make battle plans
53. Visit troops.

54. Returned to camp.

72. Sleep.
73. Take a walk.

51.33. Returned to camp. Soren visits Ike with battle results and looks troubled.

35. Confront him.
36. Let it be.
37. Jump him.

34. In celebration of a tough battle Greil Mercenaries are throwing a party.

38. Attend.
39. Do General work.
40. Stop party.

40. Ike tries to stop the party but ends up failing. Ends up just sitting and watching to make sure nothing happens.
44. Continue.

38. Boyd convinces Ike to have a glass. Drunken Kieran starts fighting Oscar. Mia is yelling and walking outside. Shinon is moping drunk.

41. Break up Kieran/Oscar fight.
42. Drink some more.
43. Just chill.

43. Returned to camp.

74. Sleep.
55. Go to shop for supplies.

42. Ike's drunk, he goes outside for some air. There is a stranger outside and Mia.

49. Talk to stranger.
50. Talk to Mia.

41. Kieran and Oscar are going at it on the ground/rolling. Ike manages to separate them. When he sits back down Makalov talks to Ike and asks him to bring something to Marcia.

66. Accept.
44. Refuse.

72. Oliver nearly has his way with Reyson when Naesala rescues him. Major sex. END 9

55. Shinon confronts Soren about not caring for fallen comrades. Mild stuff. END 7

50. Drunken Mia talks about self and has fun with Ike. END 5

49. Stranger asks Ike to come with him.

56. Yes.
57. No.

36. Stefan finds distraught Soren. Comfort sex. END 9

56. He smiles then knocks you out. When you wake up, you're in Africa and you've eloped with Marth! WTF? END 11

57. You don't get laid. If you didn't want sex, why don't you actually play the real game instead? END 13

67. Soren talks about not feeling worthy of Ike. Ike comforts with love before the big sexor. END 30

59. All you troops want to spar with you. Who will you pick?

61. Take all.
62. Lethe.
63. Zihark.
64. Ranulf.
65. Refuse.

68. Turned out to just be Mordecai humping a tree. (How did you turn down Soren for this?!) Suxor. END 16

35. Follow Soren but Titania is saying that there was a surprise attack.

67. Go to Soren anyway.
68. Deal with attack.

53. Stefan is alone and offers to teach Ike the ways of the sword.

69. Accept.
57. Decline.

44. Bothered by a drunken Shinon. Ike leaves but his tormentor follows him leading it angry sexualness. END 18

69. Battle of swords which Stefan dominates you and he claims his "spoils". END 17

52. Titania joins Ike. Titania steal kiss. END 17

45. Enter left tent or right?

70. Left.
71. Right.

70. Sick Ilyana and collapses in arms. Heals and...stuff. END 21

66. Ike goes to Marcia, who is taking care of her horse. Ike gives her sack and asks why she joined. Marcia confesses... life story and happy, girly sex. END 19

71. As you turn you as stopped by Reyson. He wants to thank Ike for all he's done. Ike vows to protect him. Reyson apologizes for what he's about to do and kisses Ike...and stuff. END 22

46. Ranulf is curious where Ike went, so he follows him. To be funny he tackles him and bites his neck. Explains it’s a symbol of submission. Ike "owns" Ranulf. END 23

61. Ike injured and recuperates. Nasir asks him about what he was doing. Knows a trick that'll make him feel better. END 25

62. Lethe tears up Ike's clothes and tries to kill. Major sexor. END 26

63. Long battle between Ike and Zihark eventually leads them into a river, wet boys and stuff. END 26

64. Ranulf cutesy end with kiss and silliness. END 27

74. Older Ike doing younger Ike in Ike's dream. WHOOA. END 28

73. Soren is tentacle raped while doing magic. (Didn't see that coming, did you? e.e) END 29

{;<<<>>;}

OMG What is Wrong with Me

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:22:38 GMT

Fire Emblem Smut Dump
Obsolete CG Event Graphics. Contains Yaoi & het. 18+ only
Pairings: Ike/Soren, Ike/Shinon, Ike/Ranulf, Ike/Elincia, Zelguis/Sephiran, Stefan/Soren

So for a long while I was working on this little project for Fire Emblem which, for now is discontinued. I was going to make a choose your own adventure (it was kinda like a visual novel, but less plot based) using the Fire Emblem Sprites for Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn with event CGs for special scenes. I drafted over 33 pairings' ending routes (only het and yaoi). It was so massive and I don't think I would've ever finished that monster...

Regardless, for awhile the optimist in me parked myself down said, "Lindsay, if you work on it everyday you can finish it!" So I created these seven event graphics and did scripting, only to become enraged at the pacing and complexity. So now I'm working on a simpler game for Kyo Kara Maoh (Pyrexia) with only four ending and more elaborate storyline. Info is also posted to my journal.

Even if I were to do this game, I wouldn't use these graphics because they're old and took forever to do for...just ok results. I've found a more efficient CG style that looks cleaner and better (which I'll be posting in my vaati dump in my journal soon). So I figured its OK to post them, even I am not pleased with them. :/ The rarity of Fire Emblem fandom compulses me to post. So, enjoy (?) my shitty smut.

UPDATE/EDIT: two particular images violate photofuckit's policy so here's a zipped version of all the images.

If you want to play the game I have a text-based version of the options here.

Awww, kitty wanna play.

Drunk!Shinon + crudely drawn beer mug = angry Ike.

Ewww, a girl! (Actually, I don't mind Elincia too much and I like the idea of an affair between the princess and a rogue mercenary...)

'Cause Stefan needs lovin'.

aaaaaaah~

AAAAAAH~

Yup.

A Place Called Truth

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:13:25 GMT

It’s like I can’t speak, some forces sew my lips shut, and every time I open them I’m bleeding. I look around to them, to everyone, and no one’s there; the distance between inches is too great we cannot see each other.

Mouth frozen, eyes observing and I’m not sure what I’m waiting, looking for. All I know is I haven’t seen it/found it/been able to communicate with it. And I am empty, a bottomless vessel that for all my inspiration and intellect cannot fill.

Is eveyone faking it, or do they not feel it? Are they whole and I am inadequate or we taking it in stride with these chasms in our spirit? Because I’m tired of not feeling – I want something to live for. I want someone I can believe in, a place where I can find rest, silence to return, and stop fearing human minds.

Is my state lucidity, depression, or a comatose state? I haven’t a clue.

Majus Opus Animamundi Playlist

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:28:22 GMT

Majus Opus
Animamundi Fanmix

Arranged by Lin West

DOWNLOAD ZIPPED TRACKS

†1. Joy – VNV Nation
Georik; question: “Our purpose...?"

Have I no control, is my soul not mine, am I not just man, destiny defined? Never to be ruled nor held to heel, not heaven or hell, just the land between. Am I not man, does my heart not bleed? No lord, no god, no hate, no pity, no pain, just me.
So why do I love when I still feel pain? When does it end, when is my work done? Why am I lone and why do I feel that I carry a sword through a battlefield?

†2. Ouroborous – The Mars Volta
Georik; the anti-hero's self-appraisal.

In your house I smothered sight unseen, sworn to harm, ground to a powder, and soaked through the board. Don't you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy. When will you flirt with all that's burning, keep them safe and by your side?
Of all that's left; a lucid home. Anecdote settles in the smear of this corpse. If the larvae speaks ask where to go, they mount the maker with a sulphur in fume.

†3. Dancer in the Dark – The Rasmus
Wolfgang Zaberisk; forgetting daylight.

The light in your eyes keeps fading out. The night's falling deeper in the heart, hiding the truth and crashing down. You've seen it all, you don't mind going blind. You've seen it all; all the wonders of life. Run to your boy, don't conceal your scars.

†4. Angel of Disease – Morbid Angel
Hellfire Club; “do as thou wilt.”

Your plastic souls melt with cauldron's burning black. Chanting to the Ancient Ones, chants of broken lines. Kneel before the altar, sacrifice is made. Hanging helpless above the pentagram, sacrifice swings within leather noose. Sing the ancient hymn. Raise the rusty knife, let loose the blood. Raise the beast, the chanting grew, with virgin blood, with soul and mind, and show the sign. Come and taste the fleshy pleasures.

†5. Burn the Witch – Queens of the Stone Age
Lillith; the inquisition.

Bite your tongue, swear to keep your mouth shut. There they are, the mob it cries for blood. The skin it peels like the truth, away. What it was I will never say. Burn the witch, burn to ash and bone.

†6. Lady Madeline in Her Coffin – I am Ghost
Georik; “all for my beloved sister.”

There was a time when stillness meant nothing to me. Once, silence meant lack of sound; fall came once a year. I craved fulfillment, too shallow to know I could never be fully filled again.
I lay her down in the glow half of creation's destruction. Replaced the moon and the stars with candles. Black and Grey is to drown, when yesterday fades through broken glass. I hate what I've become. Everything's shallow, we're chasing ourselves beneath a stone, I am covered in make-up that won't wash away. We are joy.

†7. Warbots – Rasputina
St. Germant; machinery specific to spilling blood.

Many prototype about 4 feet high with a gun for a right arm and a Cyclopes eye. Ready aim fire. Perfect to the basic tasks of hunting and killing a man.
This is evil done knowingly.

†8. Kingdom – VNV Nation
Mikhail; a soldier’s pledge.

Did you think you'd be saved by burning flags to cleanse yourselves of shame or are you afraid as you stare back at your face? Are you ashamed, are you afraid, by destroying what the gods had made?
I believe that we'll conceive to make in hell for us a heaven. Until I see this kingdom’s mine, I'll turn the darkness into light. I'll guide the blind, my will be done until the day I see our kingdom has been won.
Every tower must be razed to the dust from which it came; none will be spared, no remnant saved.

†9. Mama – My Chemical Romance
Outbreak of War; bringer of sorrow.

I'm writing this letter and wishing you well, Mama, we all go to hell. It's really quite pleasant except for the smell. We're damned after all. Through fortune and flame we fall and if you can stay then I'll show you the way to return from the ashes you call. We all carry on when our brothers in arms are gone. So raise your glass high for tomorrow we die, and return from the ashes you call.

†10. Tourniquet Man – The Mars Volta
Mephistopheles; “do we have a deal?”
I've seen the only living traces flicker in the sulphur and the ones who do believe me place your favor.
Before you lay your question down there's a matter of the payment. Let me be your Tourniquet Man, let me keep you as a favor. When I hear your fingers, they will spell my name as I trade the faces of the holders. I can't diminish anymore if I choose to dissolve in you, so much we can lose.

†11. Moving Mountains -Thrice
the Philosopher's Path.

I speak in many tongues to many men; argue with angels and I always win. I prophesy and know all mysteries; all hidden things are opened up to me but I don't know the first thing about love. But all other things shall fade away, while love stands alone and still holds sway. All other things shall fade away; into the ground into the grey.

†12. Irvine – Kelly Clarkson
St. Germant to Georik; strangers who know each other intimately.

Will you stay; stay till the darkness leaves? I know you're busy, I know I'm just one but you might be the only one who sees me, the only one to save me. Why is it so hard, why can't you just take me? I don't have much to go before I fade completely.
Are you there, are you watching me?

†13. Gravity – Sara Bareilles
Mikhail to Georik; a bittersweet pull of will.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be, but you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile when I thought that I was strong, but you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone. I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground, but you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

†14. City of Delusions - Muse
Bruno; shatter this mirror, return to chaos.

Build a fortress and shield your beliefs. Touch the divine, as we fall in line. Can I believe when I don't trust? All your theories turn to dust; I choose to hide from the all seeing eye. You will not rest, settle for less, until you guzzle and squander whats left. Do not deny that you live and let die.
Destroy this city of delusion. Break these walls down. I will avenge and justify my reasons with your blood.

†15. Life All Mine – The Gathering
St. Germant &Dashwood; 2 souls dream of freedom.

Daylight awake to a puppet world. No strings attach to this body of mine. Folding crumbling withering, oh well. The punished pushed along the line. All my actions, all my moves, a life all mine to lose.
The crown of my work, a life all mine is what I choose at the end of my days.

†16. Parabola - Tool
Georik; this physical form deceit.

This holy reality, this holy experience. choosing to be here in this body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in this body. Embrace this moment. Remember.
We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion.

†17. Arclight – VNV Nation
Mikhail; answer: “…is here.”

Sense the Greatness that before you unfolds. Seek no more for hollow answers, such answers that lay within you all along. Farewell to dawns seen through saddened eyes, farewell to pasts to sorrows chained. Forget your Fears.
You will be Strong and Want no more.
You will be Adored.
You will have Everything.

Just a Pyrexia Update

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 05:34:34 GMT

Kyo Kara Maoh: Pyrexia Progress
Main progress has been with the gameplay graphics and... the Gwendal ending is done and sexy. Next up is some Conrad semicon.

Written Script: 45% Done
Characters Spirites: 6/10 finished
Event CGs: 0%
Coding: 1%

Kyo Kara Maoh Dating Sim Update

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 01:15:00 GMT

It's probably a bit premature to be posting about this but I don't think I'll post this to any communities until I've made more progress. All of the below is subject to change.

Kyo Kara Maoh: Pyrexia
A Yaoi Visual Novel for Kyo Kara Maoh

Rating: You play as Yuuri and your kingly orders effect the results of a rebellion's uprising and other problems which arise. Takes places during the end of Season One where Conrad has realigned himself with Big Crimea. In full it will be NC-17 that I will post to my personal website and Y!Gallery, but I'm also planning to release a PG-13 version to Deviantart. It will play out like a visual fanfiction and so far there are no bad endings. You just play and all options leads you to satisfaction. =)
Possible Endings: ConradxYuuri, GwendelxYuuri, MaohxWolfram, and ShorixYuuri. (I might make additional endings.)
Written Script: 33% Done
Characters Spirites:50% Done
Event CGs: 0%
Coding: 0% -- I'm most likely going to go flash based, but there's a longshot this will be done with Renpy.

Don’t Let It Fool You - Loveless Fanfiction

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:27:33 GMT

Don’t Let It Fool You
Soubi, Loveless fanfiction; What is it we are making?

By: Lin West

It’s beautiful, it took forever, and it’s a guaranteed portfolio piece, but it’s not enough.

They really like it, they say that I’m an amazing artist. They can see it hanging over a couch (is that what people really think the epitome of this craft is?).

I thank them, but my insides scream: Don’t you feel it: the swelling building up in your very core, the sweeping emotions which no phrase can ever hopes of communicating?

The melting of lines crashing in a heart racing movement of acceleration embodied. The glory of chaos within perfect order, the harmony in all that is in discordance, out of tune to a perfect pitch, and natural.

Its not enough – if it does not make you want to scream, cry, laugh, bleed, shudder, blush, and choke I have not accomplished anything.

Kio thinks I’m too hard on myself. That people are subjective – people have different emotional triggers; its just not normal to have such a strong reaction to anything.

Yet I know that visual images are one of the five things we can experience that are the same. So a strong image, no matter the person, should affect them; make them feel that wretch in their gut because art is the mindscape’s visualized abstractions.

I became a vessel for unlimited capacity. Worth is my use, and I want to be useful. I had surrendered, promised to everyone but myself, it becomes so easy to detach when you’ve given away the claim and pride you have over your limbs.

Only then can one truely Create.

So as he kissed me and tangled my hair I let him. I was thirteen and if anyone could claim entitlement to me, afterall, it would be him. He had invested far more time into me than any other, held the highest regards for me, and it ultimately would be him in charge of my future. So as his soft press of flesh descended, fingers unbuttoned my clothes I moved/moaned to his touches.

Thighs entwined, and butterflies fluttering from my chest out my throat I fell into the ecstasy of the first flush/pain of heated intercourse. He was beautiful but cold, and I didn’t care. I thought at the time it was a promise that he would place his name on me.

He gave me away, easily. It was nothing for him.

Seimei understood; he knew better that flesh cannot claim. He seduced me with his words and a beautiful, penetrating existence that made me see/feel him. He marked my body and mind with his signature.

A strong, clear voice verbalizing in perfect sync to clouds of ideas, yet he could express it all in three or two words. He makes my insides tremble/scream/wretch and I know that although his plague black hair curled in a manner that the Bible warns about, no one knows more about the quintessence of the Above than he. There is no intermediary between his thoughts and phrasing – he can decipher understand them as if words were the very essence of subconscious.

I weave words to entrance, bind, mutilate, pinch, and destroy – it is a conscious, trained flow of calculated syllables. Much in the way I use color and form to give the illusion of space, rendering the implication of emotion is no harder.

But neither words nor beautiful pictures are reality. It does not matter how lovely they be; the only real thing I can ever create is feeling triggered from them.

Kio once told me artists tell the truth through lies.

And I mused, artist lie about the truth to make it the truth.

On Meditation and Prayer

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:49:48 GMT

Time is perceived as all important and short, meditation is the nullification of its importance. Denying time’s influence over us despite the fact that it ultimately does. It gives us a sense of calm and control, even if its false.

Praying forces you to prioritize important things in your life and shows yourself what you should be doing. Performs a similar effect as a mantra. Doing this takes the power out of your hands, and by leaving the resolving of a life problem in someone else’s more able hands so it also brings calm. A sense that it will be alright.

The effects, the calm, of both are what brings about change – not divine intervention. Elated control is what brings about change and action.

Order v. Chaos

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:47:44 GMT

What is there to gain once innocence is lost? Once one breeches the socially accepted and eliminates the rules of conduct for sexuality, morals, and kindness? There is nothing. A cyclic process between right and wrong; good and evil; order ad chaos; Sun and Moon; material and nonphysical; everything and nothing. To Gain everything you must have nothing. To gain nothing in the ultimate goal of capturing the world and its five senses. Only then will you be able to have everything again.

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